Hears Your Heart
Do you ever feel like your pain doesn't matter to God? Like your voice is too small for God to notice your shouts of pain? I am here to tell you that He does care. Let me share my story:
When I was about 12 my family moved about an hour from where we were living. I had mixed emotions about the situation. In the beginning I thought it would be terrible like in the movies (you know, when the kid moves and has to change schools and loses all their friends). Then I began thinking, "I can probably invite friends over more." When we first moved everything was okay for a few weeks. As months passed by, things became not as great. My original fear began happening. I lost all the friends I had grown up with, we left our "school" and our church. Suddenly I found myself living like in the movies. I had lost it all and I'd lost myself in the midst. The loneliness and pain gripped tightly to me, wrapping me in a mental darkness. I found myself lonely, depressed and blaming God for all my problems. I would constantly pray "God if you really loved me, why are you doing this to me. Where are you?" Everyone reaches their moment when they question their faith and God, I was having mine. One day...I remember it was a particularly difficult day for me. I was really struggling thinking about how I was missing everyone, missing my old life. Just wishing I wasn't where I was at that moment. Tears strolled down my face as I cried out to God. "Where are you!" was my hearts cry. I had found music gave me some relief when thoughts would weigh me down so I decided to turn my pink mp3 player on. I had found the Joy FM and the songs always seemed to help me. As soon as it connected to the station, the song immediately started playing as if God had called down from heaven and told them to play it. The words rung through my ears. "Do you wonder why you have to, feel the things that hurt you. If theirs a God who loves you, where is he now? Maybe there are things you can't see and all these things are happening to bring a better ending. someday somehow you'll see." Those words spoke truth to my soul that eased a broken heart. It was the restoration I needed. My father was calling me home. Tears rolled down my face but these weren't tears of pain, they were tears of shame. Through the situation, my cry was for someone to see and hear me. The one who had been there the whole time was the one I was blaming yet somehow he still loved me, in fact...he wanted me more than anyone in the world ever could. In that moment, he was there. That moment I had realized my parents faith wasn't enough, I had to do it myself. I prayed to God and said "I am sorry. I blamed you for everything and you were the one who was with me the whole time. I know you sent your son to die on the cross for my sins and I believe. There is nothing I can do to repay what you've done for me but the least I can do is live my life for you. I accept you into my life." I found that I didn't have to ask him into my life, he was waiting for me to accept him into my life. Through my story I learned that God will never leave us. He didn't leave even when I was blaming him for it all. If you are afraid God could never love you, let me tell you...If he can love me, he definitely can love you too. You just have to accept him into your life.
When I was about 12 my family moved about an hour from where we were living. I had mixed emotions about the situation. In the beginning I thought it would be terrible like in the movies (you know, when the kid moves and has to change schools and loses all their friends). Then I began thinking, "I can probably invite friends over more." When we first moved everything was okay for a few weeks. As months passed by, things became not as great. My original fear began happening. I lost all the friends I had grown up with, we left our "school" and our church. Suddenly I found myself living like in the movies. I had lost it all and I'd lost myself in the midst. The loneliness and pain gripped tightly to me, wrapping me in a mental darkness. I found myself lonely, depressed and blaming God for all my problems. I would constantly pray "God if you really loved me, why are you doing this to me. Where are you?" Everyone reaches their moment when they question their faith and God, I was having mine. One day...I remember it was a particularly difficult day for me. I was really struggling thinking about how I was missing everyone, missing my old life. Just wishing I wasn't where I was at that moment. Tears strolled down my face as I cried out to God. "Where are you!" was my hearts cry. I had found music gave me some relief when thoughts would weigh me down so I decided to turn my pink mp3 player on. I had found the Joy FM and the songs always seemed to help me. As soon as it connected to the station, the song immediately started playing as if God had called down from heaven and told them to play it. The words rung through my ears. "Do you wonder why you have to, feel the things that hurt you. If theirs a God who loves you, where is he now? Maybe there are things you can't see and all these things are happening to bring a better ending. someday somehow you'll see." Those words spoke truth to my soul that eased a broken heart. It was the restoration I needed. My father was calling me home. Tears rolled down my face but these weren't tears of pain, they were tears of shame. Through the situation, my cry was for someone to see and hear me. The one who had been there the whole time was the one I was blaming yet somehow he still loved me, in fact...he wanted me more than anyone in the world ever could. In that moment, he was there. That moment I had realized my parents faith wasn't enough, I had to do it myself. I prayed to God and said "I am sorry. I blamed you for everything and you were the one who was with me the whole time. I know you sent your son to die on the cross for my sins and I believe. There is nothing I can do to repay what you've done for me but the least I can do is live my life for you. I accept you into my life." I found that I didn't have to ask him into my life, he was waiting for me to accept him into my life. Through my story I learned that God will never leave us. He didn't leave even when I was blaming him for it all. If you are afraid God could never love you, let me tell you...If he can love me, he definitely can love you too. You just have to accept him into your life.
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