That's What I Had You For

"That's what I had you for." I am so fired up about this topic because it's something I strongly disagree with, sadly just about everyone I know seems to agree with it...Many parents today take shortcuts and become lazy by telling their children to do their work for them. Now I'm all about teaching kids responsibility and giving them chores, (take out trash every Thursday or wash the dishes on this certain day are reasonable chores that teach responsibility) but to tell your child to throw your trash away or to do some super simple task for you is not teaching responsibility at all..They answer back with "why do I have to do that? Can't you do it yourself?" What is our response? "Because I asked you to" or we guilt trip them by getting upset or angry. This is not teaching them responsibility...It's teaching them laziness which is why most children and teens are lazy. Then we have the nerve to punish our kids or try to teach them a lesson when they do the same thing!? Parents! You cannot scold your child for doing something that you are guilty of doing as well because while you want them to learn responsibility, you are actually teaching laziness so its confusing them. You have to be consistent. Want your kid to learn something, act a certain way or stop a negative behavior? Don't let them see you doing it. Yes you are an adult and you can do whatever you want but if we say things like "I can do it because I'm an adult" it teaching them that once they become an adult they can start doing it too. Do your kids a favor, whatever rule you give them...try your best to follow the exact same rules. You could make them involved in it by saying "okay the rule is pick up after yourself." Now , you say "Mom (or dad) has to follow the same rule too. If we can both follow this rule for the whole week then we can both get a treat. But if one of us or both of us disobeys...we get a consequence for that week." Now I know as a parent your consequence won't be clean the dishes, since that's a part of the parenting role (parents do most of the work! Kids are encouraged to help out whenever they can. Chores are not meant to put a responsibility off your shoulder, their meant solely to provide a learning experience for your child so putting it all on them will not teach them anything.) You could pick a special blessing such as you can't watch your favorite show for the night, or you can't have any dessert that night. Make it fun but also make sure they learn something. As parents we're our children's role models and we must model the type of life we want them to live. Can't get your child to stop yelling? Maybe you need to stop as well...Having trouble with a defiant teen? Maybe you've got the leash too tight. Maybe they're missing love from you, or maybe they are watching how you're acting and following the act. Always watch yourself because we greatly reflect our children's behavior